I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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