wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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