Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
