first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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