Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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