No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
