I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
