Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
