I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize