Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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