Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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