I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
