Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
