A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
