You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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