porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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