I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
