My nipple is on Facebook.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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