Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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