He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
