New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
