Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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