There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
