farters have to be the big spoon...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
