When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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