i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
