i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
