tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
