dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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