she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize