Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
