I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize