I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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