you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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