I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
