some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
