I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
