so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
