You just made me feel so damn special
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
