ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
