Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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