Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
