and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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