I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize