Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
