I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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