u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
