I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
ok first of all what the fuck
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
