I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
