Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
