put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
