he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
