i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
