please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
