My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
