I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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