He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
