I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to wash the frat house off of me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
