Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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