So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
