I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
