question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
