he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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