can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
