Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
