Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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