Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
