sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
