Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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