You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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