So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
