That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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