She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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