I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
