I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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