I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize