Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
