I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
