1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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