I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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