Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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