I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
