My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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