bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
