worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
