we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
