There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
