And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
