This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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