God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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