he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize