Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
