It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
