I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
