I think my fart just growled at me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
