it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
