so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
