i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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