Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
