So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize