she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
