she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
