Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
