Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
