That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
