none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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