I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
