Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
