oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
