Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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