i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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