I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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