I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
