I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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