I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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