Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
