Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
