So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize