All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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