forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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