The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
