I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
