Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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