I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
