How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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