What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
