I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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