In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
