I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
