I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
