I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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