everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
