I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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