i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
