dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
