he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
