You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
