he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
